So I'm paging through the newspaper the other day and stumble across the TV schedule. This is not a section of the paper I read - but I suddenly found myself reviewing some of the brief descriptions given to each program. And then it clicked - what if the Smooth Knobblies starred in a bunch of TV shows of their own?
MASTERCHEF TOUR DE FRANCE:Join chefs Le Lambo and Doctor Phil as they take you through an exquisite menu of top foods crafted for enhancing cycling power and endurance. Be sure to look out for their award winning recipes of bacon salad with extra bacon; the bacon soup; the creme brubacon; and their Pork coffee and Bacon cheesecake dessert
LA Cycle Law: Legal series. E2/S5: A stranger is taken in by an online cycle shop and conned, whilst a tourist is mugged on the slopes by the Block House. Will the criminals be caught? Watch how the legal firm of Wassermann, Crackman & Simpson work around the clock to crack the case. PG 13 VNL
The Morton's: E1/S4. Reality show of how Warren works at getting Alison ready for her Olympic debut in women's MTB. But all is not as it seems as the Squirrel springs a surprise on Alison at the start of her first heat.... PG 16 SN
Folk of the South: Reality Magazine. Rocky and Woody head out Down South to Cape Point on their bicycles for a fishing trip - and meet up with a rugby legend on the excursion. Guest appearance by Shaun Payne.
House Bound: Medical drama. E2/S7: Its day 78 of recovery for The Moose. With the cast, neck brace, thumb guard, and sling off, the recovering MTB rider is feeling the cabin fever. Dylan Victor pops in to compare injuries whilst Clara has adventures of her own during a horse riding session
Worlds Apart: Film (Romance). A touching musical story of an ageing traveling businessman who befriends a clog maker in Holland and a social worker in Texas. Romance is imminent with both - but who wins his heart? Starring Gavin Copeland, Queen Latifah and introducing Susan Boyle. PG 18 SN
Entrepreneurs Unite: A program for small business owners sharing the challenges of starting up a business in South Africa. Presented by Twakkie Coertzen
Headline News: Join the news team with top news journalist Greg Dean Smith and tit weather presenter Johnny Zylstra
Legal Aliens: Feature film - Drama about two gay Englishmen living in Cape Town who run tourism and interior decorating businesses. Set in 1995, the new South Africa is in a state of transition between emerging gay rights and conservative apartheid policy. Enter Nigerian businessman Winston Longfellow and a tricky love triangle threatens to rip the very fabric of their relationship apart. Starring Simon Husband, Tony Onwood, and Forrest Whitaker. PG 21 FBSW.
Me Amigo: Late night viewing with eccentric host Epic John as he takes you down memory lane by exploring the art of making craft beer and buying muscle cars.
The Vespa Diaries: Magazine program. Our two hosts take to the roads again on their Vespas - this time to explore the West Coast town of Langebaan. Chris and Dots meet up with locals and interview the head chef of popular restaurant Jou Ma se Kreef. Dots spends an afternoon with West Coast fashion guru Leandrie Venter who shows off her latest moonbag range. And of course all the regular spills and thrills of the Vespa journey itself. Hosted by Chris Harper and Dots. Watch for the guest appearance of Wynand Van Zyl in the brawl at the Paternoster Hotel! PG 13 LV
Number Sense: Very late night viewing for financial followers. The algorithm determining possible earnings from dormant Atari stock is hypothesized by Chanan Weis and Tim Oates
WHIPS, CHAINS, AND CHAIN RINGS: Flamboyant sex therapist Warren "The SeatPost" Lamb introduces shyer viewers to all the necessary equipment available to make your ride more exciting. The SeatPost takes viewers to the underground world of erotic cycling and shares light anecdotes from earlier GoPro sessions.... Not for sensitive viewers and no animals were actually harmed in the filming of this program. 21 SNLF
Happy viewing!