Alex Harris is one of our countrys most well respected long distance athletes. Clearly his hurt locker is not a boring place. I'll bet that when he's mentally retreating into his safe place after the 16th hour on a bicycle he is, in fact, finding solace inside a colourful boardroom - in his head, that is. This mental sanctuary is probably more like an advertising agencies' creative space - along with cocaine dust; post-its; koki-scribbled windows; and illegible flipcharts all littered about. Because its here, in this dark and magical realm, where Alex Harris thought of his new race - The Munga. For those of you not completely familiar with the concept - its the traditional 2-man team MTB format....but over 1000 km...and dubbed as a single stage race. That's right - no fancy marquee tents; no yellow jersey prize giving; no local community upliftment programmes showing their stuff...its just "get on your bike and see you at the end." Logistically its perfect. Because there are none. And you've got 5 days.
Who would do this? Well - anyone who thinks they can win a piece of (Dr Evil Accent) One Million Dollars!! Thats right....a cool $1 Million Dollar purse. And 1st place takes home US$700,000. Not bad for a few days riding hey? 1000km....win at all costs? And with an entry fee of US$10,000 - you'd better enter NOW before that has a ZAR value of over R200k come November!
But lets be honest: If someone isn't thinking about sabotaging other teams then I fear the capitalist spirit has died! Not that I'd do it but you are passing through some pretty desolate areas on this ride. Its a known fact that tic and drugs and unemployment scar the hinterland of our desolate Karoo. With some careful recruitment you could hire some serious skabengas who could employ even more serious means of delaying a few of the leading teams. I'm just saying....US$700,000 is an awful lot of cash to motivate all the wrong intentions.
But I digress. I'm actually using this platform to advertise my own race. Thats right! I mean - if this Munga thing takes off (and it will) then we need to up the ante. So I'm reserving the rights for this race: The Fokkendom! You read it right, my friend! The line between bravery and stupidity is but one medal thick - so here it is:
We start in Cape Town (obviously!!) This way I can rope in the European market who all love some time in the Cape. We then make our way up the skeleton coast until...well - I reckon we should get close to Nigeria or something. Now we need to be careful in this region - especially for our female riders. There are some unsavoury folk camping out in parts of Nigeria that we really do want to avoid.....although if a few American riders were taken hostage then that would be the only license needed for Uncle Obama to unleash a platoon of Navy Seals into the area...we might even solve a few global political problems (but thats not the intention here!) Then we'll jiggle our way along the equator - because thats nice and warm over the winter months (we'll run this thing from June, I reckon. It brings tourism to Africa over a quiet time...more positive marketing and a definite reason to get massive funding from the African Union.)
The rough route of the Fokkendom - a true Southern African adventure.
We'll make our way back down the East Coast - but swing past Gauteng for some bling in the race. Those who have made it this far need to avoid getting bike-jacked or hit by a taxi (although these things also happen in Kwazulu Natal and Somerset West...). Ag - and then we can end in Cape Town again. I don't really want to give too much away right now - but planning is well under way and I reckon that this map shown will be sufficient for the teams to use. You must just ride with your GPS on and your ever-reliable Tracker unit (inside joke for Epic riders...) so that we can keep an eye on you from the race HQ situated in the One-and-Only Hotel at the V&A Waterfront.
Like the Freedom Challenge, all finishers will receive something unique: seeing that the blanket concept has been taken; as well as the straw hat (from the Lesotho Sky Challenge) we think that a cattle skull is the perfect memento for this race.
So here are the details you need to know:
Entry Fee: US$25,000
Winners Cheque: US$ 1,000,001
Runners Up: US$ 250,000
Third: US$ 100,000
Thats it. Cattle skulls for the rest of you. You have 3 months to complete the race. My legal team will have you sign a waiver so thick; so complete that there will be no refund; no recourse; and liability or obligation on my part as race organiser. I'm liking the whole laissez faire approach that the Munga follows (I'm being flippant here...) and I reckon this will be next level hands off management. (Here's a map. See you soon. Ok bye-bye now...)
The race only goes ahead if the 500 team entry is reached (I need you guys to all look after each other out there!)
So look out for The Fokkendom - race guide; training plan; race kit and and a new anti Tim Noakes diet all included in the race brochure!
