A Golfing we will go!


written by JayZee

It was decided late last year to have a little time “out the saddle”, and to venture out onto a golf course that would accommodate the Knobs …….

That was my first challenge: to find an establishment that would be suitable to host, let’s say, a “different brand of golf” that would be likely from the motley crew that was rounded up. The Metropolitan Course next to the CT Stadium was chosen as the said establishment.

The wind had picked up to a rather stiff 30 knotter when I arrived, only to find Gav D already sitting on the forecourt, settling into an ice cold frosty (it didn’t appear to be his first either). "Eager"….I thought.

Nothing could have prepared me for the outfit that 2Tone arrived in. He looked like something out of the movie “The Legend in Baggers Pants”. Apparently someone was overheard in the pro-shop whilst Tone was paying, asking if he was The Mole Man !?
He had something that looked like an arrow quiver out of an old Robin Hood movie strung across his back ….it was like thin sort of a  windsock type of thing, that only had 3 or 4 “sticks” in it (as Tone would say.) I had never seen anything like it. The “long one”, when pulled from the quiver, was a thing of beauty: a classic persimmon headed wood with a hickory shaft - not unlike something the great Bobby Locke would have been proud of !

TwoTone with his Ginger Ninja headgear and Robin Hood "Stick" quiver

Not quite the warriors from the movie"300" - but close enough!

Posing quietly for the photo before playing in the sand pits

The First T

“The Moment of Truth” as its known in golfing circles……standing on that strip of grass, all the laughter dies down and it comes down to man and ball (“ Mano un Pelota” as Wynand would say), the fairway suddenly looks ridiculously small, as does the ball. The wind is howling and the pressure mounts……..

……. don't you love those guys, who when asked “do you play much?” answer nonchalantly …."no not really, actually in fact, I can't remember when I last played”. Such was the O’s answer…..what followed was a slight waggle of the club, a long  graceful arc, head ever so still over the ball, a resounding crack, and a ball sailing like an arrow down the middle….."oh - a lucky one” I think I heard him say. Chop.

Gav D flailed at his first attempt and produced what is known as a “Sally Gunnel” (not pretty but a good runner) as his daisy cutter sped off down the cart path.

He was followed by Chris (the mountain goat), who unleashed what we call a “Douglas Bader” (looked good in the air but no legs)

I won't bore you hole for hole but what became evident over the ensuing 9 was that;
  1. Dots doesn’t spend all his time at the office, those Taylor Made’s have seen a few golf courses
  2. The Mooses' game is directly proportional to the amount of Heinekens he has consumed (in a good way)  
  3. Watching Tony “pirouette” around the course proved to be more than most of our bladders could take, the tears were rolling.


"You put you left knee in; your left knee out..." Some Hokey-Pokey by TwoTone

It was assessed that 2 Tones main problem was that he was standing much to close to the ball……after he had hit it !!

·         The poor chap who hit his ball into the same forest as The Moose, realised that the Mooses' stare actually means “don’t even think that’s your ball”. Needless to say, the Moose emerged smiling after belting his ball from under a rock onto the green whilst the poor fella in the rough puzzled over how Moose hit a Titelist off the T which turned into a Nike in the rough….he wasn't asking questions though.....

Quote of the day


The 4 ball on the adjacent green in front of us were not impressed by Gav D’s T-shot landing between their legs whilst putting out. We could tell by the infuriated chaps outburst of  “are you okes F_ing P_ssed or is it your first time on a golf course !!”…..Gav’s reply of “no, 2nd……” was a showstopper.



More reasons why The Smooth Knobblies will need to book the next round under a different name...

Followed by just a little whiskey in the bar, it was concluded that the day was a beaut! We urge more Sknobs to participate this year in what will hopefully become an annual outing.

Some golfing terms to remember