The Eskay Cycling Herald: 10 Years of Untamed Epic John

We last spoke to John Gale before he embarked on his 9^th Cape Epic. That was last year. This year he aims to complete Epic Number 10. That’s a big deal – in anyone’s books!

Because “Epic” John is actually a part of the Smooth Knobblies (but on occasions rides undercover as Team Fat Bob) I decided to have an honest interview with him whilst we were riding through a howling Sou’ Easter the other morning. (Granted, I have used a small pinch of poetic license where the wind tore Epic’s answers out of my earshot – but he won’t mind some of my improvised answers….until I get the lawyers letter that is. And probably from The CrackMan’s firm to boot!)

Me: So Epic. I notice that you were interviewed by some cheap online publication yesterday. How does the onset of fame make you feel?

Epic John: Fame? As John Denver sang, “Thank God I’m a country boy”, as I don’t care much for fame.

Me: Why, Epic John? Why so many Epics?

EJ: As I've said before – so much of this has to do with luck. I'm lucky to be alive; to be healthy; to be able to do it. I'm also incredibly lucky that I have you and the Smooth Knobblies in my life. That’s not even luck – that’s destiny...or divine intervention!

Me: What's the best part of an Epic for you?

EJ: It would have to be the ever-increasing number of hot chicks riding. I've seen the event grow from a real fun journey into the commercial engine it now represents. And that really seems to attract good looking women. I guess its like starting your shopping at a farm village and then see it develop into a big shiny mall – you find more hot women at malls than at small rural country village markets. Except in December – when out of town kugels travel through small towns and stop to buy honey, soap, and rusks at small villages on the R62….does that answer the question?

Me: Perfectly. Now – what's the worst part of the Epic for you?

EJ: Being recognised as “that guy that’s done all the Epics”. The Bulls Team haven’t stopped calling with some deal about “external endurance consultant”. And then I have all the first time pups coming for a chat….and then the inevitable “soooooo….got any EPO spare there, old buddy?” These young kids think EPO and hormones and blood bags are all the shit since Tyler and Lance started spreading the doping gospel. It’s all nonsense. A keg of Boston Draught is all you need. Plus it has great side effects! I don’t think EPO even gives you a buzz! Too much admin! Although back in 07 I had to ride 122km with my keg strapped to my camelbak as it didn’t fit into my kit bag….

Me: What do you do with all the Epic kit bags you’ve accumulated over the years?

EJ: Ha! I have so many of those big black things lying around! Apart from using some of them to carry the cut lawn (Blessing, my Malawian gardener, says that they hold the grass best!) I like to re-use them on the Epic. They’re the only way I can transport my Boston keg around – because they only transport Epic kit bags during the race between villages.

Me: Clever! How do you choose your Epic partners? You’ve only used 3 over the course of 9 Epics.

EJ: It’s simple really. They need to be obedient and weaker riders than me. An arrogant, stronger rider would rob me of any joy in an already tough situation. The CrackMan (or Ri) was close to being stronger than me last year….but the saddle sore he got after I inserted some sandpaper into his bibs restored the hierarchy fairly punctually.

Me: Any words for aspirant Epic riders?

EJ: When Rudyard Kipling created Baloo the bear, he was of the opinion that Baloo would be able to overcome all the challenges that the jungle could throw at him. And Baloo did just that – with a smile. Be like Baloo and take to the jungle – with a smile!